


goodbye winter

by nightinjae



Series: five days of jaepil's christmas disasters [3]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Mild Language, jae is Stupid, lapslock, oops I guess, theres like 2 swear words, theyre both sad, this is confusing actually, wonpil is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 21:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17129201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightinjae/pseuds/nightinjae
Summary: someday, he thinks, the gray clouds looming over them would pass and they would both be able to smile as brightly as they did. someday, they'd be able to walk on the same road as they did, walk together despite how harsh it is.





	goodbye winter

**Author's Note:**

> uh
> 
> im sorry in advanced i don't know where i was going with this fic actually.
> 
> but hey !! third fic of the series oof i hope you guys had a nice christmas eve eve !! so befire we start, i suggest you open up your music app and listen to goodbye winter, hurt road, and still. in that order. right, enjoy! !

they were an unexpected pair, people would say. no one really expected them to come in terms with each other, and definitely no one expected that they would date and stick by each other for years. he felt pretty confident in the bond that they’ve formed, especially that they were able to pull through despite what others say. they confessed to each other at the same time around winter — cheesy, he knows. he planned to let his feelings out as the first snowfall fell, a day that came too soon, a bit unexpectedly just like they were. he chuckles at the thought.

no one expected for them to last as long as they did. neither did he, if he were to speak honestly. but once the years passed by, he realized that his doubt was for nothing. their dynamic was unique, but one that he finds comforts in. they know each other like the back of their own hands, they know the other more than they know themselves. he was his sun as he was his moon. they confide in each other about their deepest, darkest demons. they trust each other more than they trust themselves. he says this, but if they really do know each other that way, why can’t he seem to understand why this was happening to them?

sure, they get into fights that could last them days, but neither of them can really stand to be far from the other for that long. they would always end up running back to each other’s arms, whether it happens during the day or at an ungodly hour — sleep be damned. they would apologize, cry about it for an hour or two, and they’d find themselves tangled up in an uncomfortable position later on but they wouldn’t mind. so why? why did it seem as if the days start to drag on without a hint at some kind of resolution?

wonpil breathes out.

breathes in.

out.

he stares at the glaring screen of his phone, hands hovering over the keyboard after typing something out.

_its the first snowfall. do you remember?_

he erases it as quickly as he typed it. _that won't do_.

_do you know how much you mean to me?_

_do you even know what the hell is happening to me?_

nah.

_i hope you know that i'd drop everything for you._

sent. wonpil stares. his hands started to shake as he anticipates a reply. it was currently 3 am in the morning, he doesn't know why he's expecting a reply.

3:12 am

«pil»  
i hope you know that i'd drop everything for you.  
_read 3:15 am._

ah. of course.

he locks his phone and gently puts it down beside him, closing his eyes to will his tears away. _of course._  the minutes fly by as he regains his breathing, his subconscious hoping for a single _ping!_ that may notify him of a message.

there wasn't. he falls asleep.

two weeks had gone by and he still hadn't received a reply. it's okay, he's stopped expecting. but the frustration and pain and every other emotion that has been piling up on him was about to cause him to rip out all his hair as he paces in his living room. he tries to call dowoon over and he does arrive, eyes filled with worry and hurt at the sight of his friend.

"hyung."

"yes? do you want anything?"

"i want you to sit down here and tell me what the hell has been happening."

wonpil stills before dragging his feet over to where dowoon was. the younger opens his arms, wonpil falling into it as he sobs, heartbreakingly so that dowoon had to stop himself from storming over to park jaehyung's place and thrash everything he lays his eyes on. wonpil wouldn't like that.

he waits for wonpil to calm down but the older boy falls asleep almost immediately after. dowoon guesses it was for the better, he needed it. he knew wonpil has been losing sleep, keeping himself busy, reading, writing songs, anything to keep his mind away from jaehyung.

he stays until wonpil wakes up, who thanks him for staying and gives him a huge hug, seeing him out the door.

"please tell me when something happens."

"of course. you're the first person i run to. take care, okay?"

 

1:08 am

«pil»  
can we talk in person?

1:15 am

«jae»  
shouldn't you be asleep?

wonpil inhales sharply. he feels the tears stinging his eyes as he worries his lower lip. he's pretty sure that's started to bleed, basing on the metallic taste in his mouth.

1:20 am

«jae»  
but sure. when?

he feels his heart thumping way too hard to be normal. his vision has started to blur with tears, and he struggles to breathe. after months of radio silence, of course he answers the one question that was convenient for him, the one wonpil hoped he wouldn't care about.

he sits up from his bed and paces around the darkness of his apartment, calming himself as he looks out the window. the city outside the glass sparkled with light and wonpil can't help but feel as if they're mocking him. he shakes his head and heads back to bed.

1:57 am

«pil»  
later, if you're free.

«jae»  
okay, i'll be there in the afternoon.

and that was that.  


wonpil doesn't sleep, he can't. thoughts swarmed his head — black and ugly, piercing through his heart at every opportunity. he knows the inevitable was about to come and it breaks him before it even happens. he knew jae. he knows. after years of carefully crafting this bond with both of their hands at work, a couple scratches on them as they go through their ups and downs, but nonetheless was able to craft a strong bond that connects them. but now he sees that they've stopped moving, leaving one end frayed, leaving wonpil alone to try and weave it to the end.

he gets out of bed when the sun has peeked through the blinds. he gets himself a cup of tea and watches the world outside once more. snow has settled on the branches of trees, slowly melting as the sun shined through. there were a lot more people in the sidewalks, frantic to get to their workplaces and whatnot. and wonpil feels calm.

he takes a shower afterwards, trying to fix himself up and try not to look like he's death warmed over. the dark shadows under his eyes don't disappear, the splits on his lip don't disappear, his cheeks were hollower than he remembers, and there was barely any color in his face but he carries on, waiting.

he hears a knock on his door and he just knows that it was jae. but there was no need for that, he knew jae had a key with him. besides, he left the door open anyway.

"come in!" he says, trying to sound like his normal chipper voice. he forces a small smile on his lips as jae comes to sight and when he does, wonpil does all he could not to fall apart.

jae doesn't look any different. he doesn't look like he's been losing sleep, he looks like he's been taking care of himself and he looks like the complete opposite of wonpil. wonpil was glad.

"hey, you want anything?"

wonpil moves before jae could speak, making him a cup of tea just the way he likes it. he hands him the cup with as much gentleness as he could muster and he sits down on the couch, his knees pulled all the way up to his chest. jae sits on the opposite side, his eyes trained on the cup in his hands. the clock ticked somewhere in the room as they sit in silence for what felt like hours and wonpil couldn't take it.

"you...you won't even talk to me in person, huh?"

jae looks up at him in shock but immediately averts his eyes back on the cup. wonpil starts to nibble on his lip again before he speaks up again.

"this is the first time i see you in two months, the first time you replied to me in two months, and you..." wonpil holds back the sob that threatens to break his voice. "tell me jae, why?"

he waits, tears filling his eyes to the brim but he refuses to let them fall. the words were ringing in his head already. _i_ _don't love you anymore. i don't want this anymore._

"wonpil..."

he squeezes his eyes shut, not anymore caring whether jae sees the tears roll down his cheeks or whatever. he doesn't care. he hates himself for still loving the way his name rolls out of jae's tongue, despite the situation they were in.

"you never talk to me anymore. you refuse to see me. you _avoid_ me. did i do something wrong? why didn't you tell me?"

"you didn't."

"you better not give me that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit jaehyung."

he physically feels jae bristle at the sound of the curse word or maybe at the sound of his full name. he breathes out. "you told me we'd help each other with those kinds of things. so why?"

"i don't know, wonpil. i really don't."

"what?"

jae looks at him and he stares back, and he can see jae's eyes trace the tears that have stained his cheeks, the bags under his eyes. and he can't help but wonder what was going through jae's head. how did he look like? what expression was he wearing, did he look okay — _whatever_.

"what happened to us, jae?"

wonpil's voice was so quiet and weak, but he knew. they both knew that this road of theirs wasn't easy, wasn't perfect in anyway. they both knew that there would be barely any flowers on this road, and yet they've gone this far just with each other. wonpil knew they could go further if they've just stayed together, but somewhere along the road he knew jae has left him. but wonpil refused to let this go, to let this slip through his fingers — this wonderful thing he called his safe place, something he could lean on, something he could draw strength from. but he's known from the beginning, even if they didn't want to break apart, if one of them has turned around, the end was already decided for them. "jae, i don't want to let this go. i want to...to make this work."

jae remains silent.

"please speak up."

"you know it's not possible anymore." jae says despite the bitter taste that the words left on his tongue. _you're a fucking coward, jaehyung_. he thinks. and that's exactly why he says it. wonpil was someone who deserved better than a coward like him, someone who could actually take care of him, love him, and cherish him the way he deserved. jae couldn't give him that. wonpil was _too good_ for him. he's fallen for every single thing wonpil had shown him, fallen for every single thing he saw and felt. wonpil's question rings in his head. _so why?_ and he genuinely doesn't know.

jae was a mess and he knew it, wonpil knew it. he knew and he would do every thing he could to help him, even if that meant burning himself out. and he knew that. he couldn't do that to wonpil, he couldn't do that to the sun, _his_ sun. he doesn't want to see the day wonpil stops shining and the only way he thinks he could stop that day from coming was to let him go.

but he didn't think this through, did he? not with the way wonpil lost all color and life in his eyes, lips parted and bleeding.

"that's that then?"

jae does everything he can not to gather the younger in his arms and apologize. he grips the cup tighter in his hands, knuckles turning white as he blinks back his own tears.

wonpil's voice sounded so broken, defeated and colorless and jae hates himself for being the reason of it. he beats himself up in his head but he refuses to let his resolve break. _it was for the better_. jae thinks. but a thought comes up to the front of his mind.

_was it really?_

he doesn't speak another word, even until wonpil was seeing him to the door, tears still falling silently. he doesn't look at him even as he steps out the door but his attention was pulled back to the boy as he speaks.

"can you do me last one thing before this ends?"

he breathes in. he shouldn't.

"what is it?"

wonpil opens his arms and jae's heart breaks even further at the sight. what the fuck had he done? he wills himself to move, to hug the other back. and he does.

wonpil was warm, despite it all. he still held the warmth that would comfort jae, that would make him feel like everything would be alright and jae feels nauseated by the thought. _nothing is alright_.

jae lets go and pulls away a few seconds later, eyes cold and emotionless as he stares into wonpil's. "goodbye, wonpil."

he doesn't speak up, he doesn't return the farewell, but jae turns on his heel and walks away before he breaks and does something else. he lets his tears fall when he turns the corner. _it's over._ he opens his phone.

 

5:38 pm

«jae hyung»

take care of him for me, dowoon.

 _read 5:38 pm_.

 

wonpil closes the door and falls apart behind it, sobbing loudly into his hands. he doesn't know how long he lasted before passing out in the floor but when he wakes up, he pads to his bedroom and pulls out a sweater that jae left behind one day and hopes that this was all a dream.

jae gets home, energy drained but he wears a weary smile when younghyun and sungjin greet him in the apartment. he makes a beeline for his room and closes and locks it harsher than intended. he doesn't come out for the rest of the night.

someday, he thinks, the gray clouds looming over them would pass and they would both be able to smile as brightly as they did. someday, they'd be able to walk on the same road as they did, walk together despite how harsh it is.

he knows he can't turn things around anymore, especially with the pain that he's inflicted on both them, but he stays somewhere on the road where a flower has bloomed — so precious and lovely. he stays, because he knows he won't be able to truly let go.

_because i still want you._

**Author's Note:**

> «dowoon»  
> you're so fucking dumb hyung i hope you know that  
>  _read 5:40pm._
> 
> oops
> 
> see you guys later i know i posted this 10 hours late okay
> 
>  
> 
> [twt](https://www.twitter.com/nightinjae)


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